The Department of Terror wants You!

Terrorism isn’t what it used to be. It used to be you got real terrorists. Even if they were freedom fighters or people trying to protect their families, they were serious about it. These days it’s as if the Department of Terror can’t lay their hands on the definite article any more. They can’t even seem to find people who are already up to something. The Department of Economic Insecurity had done their best preparing the ground. Over the span of a few decades they had destroyed America’s manufacturing base; eliminated millions of jobs, leaned on immigration to allow a flood of migrants into the system while facilitating government drug operations at the same time. There should be plenty of motivated people.

Somehow, with everything we’ve done we just haven’t been able to generate the terror movement we’ve been looking for. It was assumed that after the government operations of Oklahoma City and 9/11 that any number of, wanna be famous, nut jobs would take the hint but… nadda. Finally law enforcement was compelled to recruit people and sometimes even invent them. The government was just not going to be able to go in the direction that the corporations and Israel wanted it to go without a serious, terror problem.

Hundreds of junior FBI agents, Homeland Security footpads and others were sent into the streets to find people who would fit the profile. They had to be from a Muslim country. They needed to be young and angry about something. Programs were established to make selected individuals angry if they weren’t already. They would suddenly lose their job; their wife might be assaulted by a diamond merchant on her way to a mosque, they might be evicted. Whatever it took to get them to the right emotional state and fired up about the right target was the goal. Once they were in the proper frame of mind, a government agent would appear as an angel of mercy and find them a job and a place to stay. Then they would groom the ‘terrorist’ by providing a mental framework. Then came the dummy bombs and engaging them in conversations where the ‘terrorist’ would say enough that the boys down at tech could make the taped evidence convincing.

Even with all of the effort they were putting into it, it still wasn’t working right. First of all, the ‘terrorists’ weren’t very bright. They could hardly be considered intelligent if they could be sucked into something like this in the first place. Sure, the government was also working on simply framing individuals by manufacturing evidence and adapting false scenarios to their ordinary movements but that had its own problems. It puts us where we are today. Now, all of a sudden there are half a dozen, five minute, stovetop, terror plots with no weapons, no crime, no nothing. All they got are people with the t-shirt that never actually went to Disneyland.

Israel’s getting pissed; the corporations are hamstrung by stupid laws that still marginally protect workers and consumers. The government is this close to being able to come out of the closet and still… screw up after screw up, delay after delay. In Pittsburg a lousy couple of hundred protestors showed up to be greeted by thousands of riot cops and national guardsmen. They had Star Wars, crowd control weapons; titanium batons, vicious dogs and armored humvies. Meanwhile these worthless protestors did little more than march and call out the usual slogans. Even the police agitators among them couldn’t get anything happening. Finally the authorities had no choice but to attack. They knocked people off of bicycles. They clubbed elderly women. They tear gassed people on their way to school. They were damned efficient even without the desired response on the part of the protestors. It just shows you how wrong the country has gone when the people who should be completely enraged at the treatment they’ve been getting can’t even come up with a decent frown.

It was always the understanding of the corporations and the government employed by them that if you just put enough pressure on people they would explode. Anywhere else and at any other time all you had to do was make life unbearable for people and they would finally react and then you could round them up; sell them off for body parts, do necessary scientific experimentation on them or just slaughter them. Israel manages to do that without any problem at all. What’s wrong with the U.S.? Now we’ve got all those FEMA camps and coffins just sitting there with nobody in them.

We are seriously in need of real terrorists and we can’t get them for love or money. So we’re stuck with retards and cutouts. We do all the field work and, god knows, we’ve got paperwork coming out of the wazoo with all the necessary details and… what? It’s just not credible; not to mention times like when the NYC Police Commissioner sticks his big nose into an FBI terror sting and finds no terrorists, no weapons, no nothing. Now, how does that look?

We got dummy operations all over the place and not one real bomb and not a single terrorist who doesn’t look like we got him from Central Casting. In order for The Big Whammy (that’s what we’re calling it here at The Department of Terror) to look authentic we have got to have solid preliminaries. At the moment it looks like the whole thing is being run by a middle school, drama teacher. It looks like we’re running The Special Olympics instead of the greatest nation on Earth.

I’ve got Napolitano on my back like an old raccoon coat that was raised from the dead and then caught rabies from a Fox News commentator. Look, I don’t mind that she’s a carpet muncher but I do mind her chewing the skin off of my ass when I’m already trying to do the best I can. It was different when Old Death Eyes was in charge. Working for vampire bats is workable because you know right off how things stand. Anyway, with Death Eyes as long as you were more than twelve years old you had nothing to worry about anyway, most of the time.

I just don’t understand it. Back in the day we used to be able to get all kinds of competent help. All the quality terror material has disappeared into the woodwork. I know part of the problem is that what looked good and believable at the time has been pretty much exposed for what it really was since. It’s harder to get people to believe the same thing over and over when it’s the same thing over and over. You got that hard core 30% that will believe anything. All you have to do is tell them it’s so but… something’s been happening with the other 70% that is worrisome. It’s like they know but they aren’t saying and you can’t seem to make them take a swing either. I wonder what’s going on in their little minds.

My immediate supervisor here at the department says it’s not going to matter all that much. He says it comes down to how many we actually have to kill and whatever that is we’ll “get er done”. He says the flu is going to take care of most of the problem. Apparently the vaccine is actually a trigger that reacts with something they haven’t released yet. That’s due to begin in a month or two. I don’t know exactly when because I’m on a different operation.

I’d just like to take a moment to say… to ask… to plead with the public about the real needs we have here at the department. America is in trouble and we need your help. There must be so many of you out there that are seriously pissed. Some of you must be infuriated. I know what we’ve done to you so I can only imagine. Won’t some of you please consider entering our terror program? We’ve got some extraordinary benefits although you may not think so looking at it from the outside. The fact is that you don’t have to remain a waterboarded, mind slave for the duration. We’re all about ability and reward here. Some of our top people started out as terrorists and even ordinary criminals. Well, let me tell you brother, there’s nothing ordinary about them now.

Our terror candidates get first class treatment all the way down the line. All that torture nonsense is just that. We have to make it look good, you see. Once you’re in the program you get special housing in the prison complex. Your special needs are attended to. Maybe you are presently having problems satisfying your special needs because of the legal penalties that are attached to them. You hook up with us and there won’t be a problem with that. You think about it and you give us a call. Our lines are always open.

Oh Baby DWI

The New Shangri-La



  1. Pickdog said,

    September 29, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    Very nice work.

  2. Bronstein said,

    November 26, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    I”m commenting a day or so after swearing a half-hearted oath to shun both the computerized pornography, and the computerized conspiracy theory web sites; I would like to posit the following link as pretty much the last word about Obama’s (or just about anybody in Washington’s) politics.

    Keep it up

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